Okay I've been eating waaaaaaaay too much crap over the exam period. It's disgusting. I feel disgusting. Honestly, I haven't been eating a lot (apart from today, today was disgraceful) but what I have been eating is mainly chocolate, cake and other crappy food... hardly any vegetables. I've put on fat and it's obvious and I hate it.

Exams really isn't an excuse. It's not like I'm getting much revision done. I need to eat better. I'm probably not getting on well with revision because I'm eating crap, and eating nutrient-devoid crap isn't giving me the essential components that I need to give me motivation. Sure, sugar may up my energy levels, but it brings a crash all too quickly. I need amino acids to make neurotransmitters that will make me more motivated. I need B-vitamins and iron and other vitamins to help me process the energy I consume so it's utilised efficiently.

All in all, I need to stop making excuses and start working a liiiiiittle bit harder.

Tomorrow's plan:
09:00 - Get up, feed the kitties, have breakfast (2x wholemeal toast w/ nutella, 200ml orange juice, small apple)
09:30 - Shower, get dressed
10:00 - Write essay on ageing
11:00 - Free hour
12:00 - Snack (strawberry protein crunch bar), make notes on other topics
13:00 - Lunch (Cucumber sandwich w/ wholemeal bread, small coconut protein shake, cadbury crispello)
14:00 - Make revision notes
15:00 - Free hour
16:00 - Make revision notes
17:00 - Free hour, have another small protein shake if hungry
18:00 - Make revision notes
19:00 - Dinner hour
20:00 - Write essay on cancer
21:00 - Free hour
22:00 - Write essay on ageing
23:00 - Bed. Try not to panic about exam.

My exam is at 9am on Tuesday. And then I have another on Friday which I am so almightily fucked for it's not even slightly funny. FML.

I'm SO not getting a 2:1. *Sigh* Going to university's still the best decision I've ever made. I got out of my home town where the people are toxic. I discovered pole dance. I've met people who inspire me and encourage me to progress rather than try to hold me back. I have a MUCH better idea about nutrition, and I know how to evaluate research and draw educated, balanced conclusions. I've pretty much stopped drinking. I'm no longer depressed. With the exception of the occasional rogue thought, my eating disorder is history. My social skills have improved massively. I have a group of writer friends who I see once a month. And, of course, if I hadn't moved here, I'd never have met Matt. So even if I don't get the grades I want, I wouldn't say coming to university was a waste at all. This city is my home.

5 more days until I am free from education forever. Unless by some miracle Loughborough, the best university in Europe for sport science, decides they'll let me on the course with a 2:2. Which I doubt.

5 more days until I begin my training to be a pole dance instructor.

8 days to freedom

In:
Rocky road square

Out:
tbc

Post:
Okay, you know it's going to be a bad day when you have rocky road for breakfast. Yesterday was okay in the end though; had oven-baked pork balls made with extra lean organic pork mince, garlic bread and raw red pepper. Didn't really eat enough but oh well.

Today... well, we'll see. Not off to a good start. I'm on a schedule today though.

[x] 09:00 - Get up, feed the babies, have breakfast
[x] 09:30 - Take a shower, get dressed
[x] 10:00 - Revise! (Iron - basics)
[/] 11:00 - 30-minute break.
[ ] 11:30 - Revise! (Iron - basics)
[ ] 12:30 - Lunch break (2hrs). Put on laundry!
[ ] 14:30 - Revise! (Selenium - basics)
[ ] 15:30 - 30-minute break
[ ] 16:00 - Revise! (Selenium - basics)
[ ] 17:00 - 1hr break
[ ] 18:00 - Revise! (Iron - look up papers)
[ ] 19:00 - 2hr break for TBBT and HIMYM
[ ] 21:00 - Revise! (Selenium - look up papers)
[ ] 22:00 - Russell Howard's Good News
[ ] 23:00 - Bed.

Hope you all have a good day!

Fitspo:

9 days to freedom

In:
2 slices mini wholemeal toast w/ nutella

Out:
[Later: 1hr pole]

Post:
I'm not going to lie; I'm doing awfully. I'd say it's because I'm busy revising etc but I swear I haven't got that much done. I have more to do than I can possibly go through and I still can't kick my arse into gear. I had a nightmare about my exam last night - I dreamt there were 9 questions split into 3 sections and I had to answer one from each section and on the paper I could only even begin to answer 2 and they were both in the same section. That's not what my exam's going to be like at all, but still. I know I'm not going to do very well. Nightmares seem to be a common occurrence lately; I also dreamt that Matt left me for his ex because she'd had his baby, and the night before I dreamt a meteor hit our city and his house got crushed while he was in it :(

Yesterday dissolved into "raspberry sorbet" (read: sugar, sugar, water, raspberry purée, sugar, sugar and additives) and cherry pie. Today I really need to put more effort in: I have some apples, and I can easily pick up some meat from Sainsbury's on the way home. I just need to make myself do it, even though I feel too lazy. You know what makes me lazier / more unmotivated? Not eating proper nutrients. Got to remember this.

Time to get on with my day, methinks.

Fitspo:

11 days to freedom

In:
2x mini wholemeal toast w/ nutella
200ml orange juice
3x cocoa oat protein flapjacks
Large chocolate protein shake

Out:
1hr intense pole

Post:
Yesterday was awful, it involved pringles, let's just leave it at that. I threw up my dinner too, not deliberately... idk why. Might be the lactose in the greek yoghurt that we marinated the chicken in. That's Matt's theory anyway, but I really don't think there was enough to trigger such a severe reaction. Ugh.

Today's been bad as well, just snacking, not really eating. I should have some fruit/veg for dinner. I'm preparing for my presentation tomorrow. It's going awfully :/

Pole tonight was good... got a new move called Janeiro :) It's pretty awesome. I also got the closest I've ever been to deadlifting this one move. And that was at the end of the lesson as well. Hopefully I'll get it soon!

Anyways, I've got to get on with stuff. Catch you guys later.

Photos:

The Janeiro! This move's scary because I feel like I'm going to fall out of it until I actually get into it. I'm essentially balancing on my elbow lol

The pole studio actually has good enough lighting for me to take abs pictures. LOOK! I have a 2-pack! :P Sort of. This is quite late in the day as well (6 o'clock) so in the morning they look even better. Unfortunately they never look as good on camera as they do in real life. But still, yay definition. Got a long way to go yet but it's getting there. You can see I don't have a skinny build; I'm a bit on the thick side. And that's okay! I'm short and stocky, and I like it! ;)

12 days to freedom (Weigh In Day)

In:
2x wholemeal toast w/ nutella
Small apple
Pork & leek sausage sandwich w/ wholemeal bread

Out:
tbc

Post:
Results from my weigh in:

Weight: 58.2kg (-0.2)
Fat %: 22.1 (-0.4)
Muscle %: 40.4 (+0.2)
BMI: 22.7 (-0.1)
Water %: 57.4 (+0.5%)

It's not much of a loss and it probably only happened because I barely ate last night, but considering I was expecting a gain I'll take it lol. And hey, -0.4% body fat is nothing to sniff at! I'm nearly down by 1% body fat from two weeks ago now. If I keep this up I'll be under 20% in 3 weeks from now, and under 18% in about 6 weeks. In reality it'll probably take a bit longer than that but still... it's not like I need to go at this for years and years. Obviously once I'm there I'll need to maintain it though.

No gym today. I have to get revising. To be honest, I probably won't be gyming it until after exams, just because it takes 2-3 hours itself, plus 20 minutes travel either way and then I'm often so tired afterwards I'll have an hour or two's kip. That's 4-6 hours out of my time I just can't afford at the moment. I'll still be poling from time to time though. Got a private lesson on Monday where I'll be tackling a whole load of new moves. I'll probably just do one private lesson a week until after exams. I should work a 30-minute workout followed by 30 minutes stretching into my routine every day though, just to keep myself fit and keep my flexibility up.

I'm lifting my soda limit for the next 2 weeks too. Because everyone needs caffeine for revision, and I don't drink tea or coffee. I know, a Brit who doesn't drink tea, what a heathen lol.

Anyways today's going to be full of revision so I'd best get on with it, yay.

Fitspo: